We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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