Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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