Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize