there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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