I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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