I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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