If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize