the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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