I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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