Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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