The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
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I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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