I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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