Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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