Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
how do flat chested girls get laid?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
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Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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