I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
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i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
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Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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