1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize