You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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