mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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