Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize