your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
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I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
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I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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