So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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