wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize