I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We had sex on a dog bed..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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