Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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