I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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