I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
so much tequila, so little girl.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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