I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
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How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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