If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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