I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize