i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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