Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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