It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize