sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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