i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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