You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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