dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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