walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize