I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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