I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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