WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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