he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
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This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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