sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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