i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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