plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize