The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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