you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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