Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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