My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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