But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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