i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
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i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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